Thursday, April 07, 2005
Thinking Of You

As I sit here and think of you.Think about how happy i would be if I had you in my arms. My heart is about to give up I feel like I am stabbing my heart with a knife . I sit down and try to picture you but I always get lost. Which tells me your to good for me. But I never lose hope cause no matter what you do ill always be there not that you notice but maybe someday you will. No matter were you go you will always will be in my heart

Posted at 03:14 pm by lonesm
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Wednesday, March 09, 2005
The Dream Is The Closest I Ever Get To You

Who are you that sits there smiling. Do you know you bring a warmth to my heart. A place that is cold and dincingrating.As i look into your eyes and hope to see a fire i dont but i still think we got a chance. I look somewere else the second before i notice im looking at you cause i am scard to find out how you feel about me. I call myself the boy of your dreams the keeper of your heart. I think what if i was physic. What if i could see if you and i actually had a chance? Would i get hurt or be happy? I feel like getting closer to you each day but this only feels like a dream because it was to easy. A dream is the closest i ever get to you. But this isnt the kind of dream i want to have it would be filled with love sarrow and pain. To touch your lips is that dream. To feel the warmth of your presence is a better dream. This is the happiness i want in real life but a dream is the closest i can ever get to you

Posted at 03:59 pm by lonesm
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Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Your Admirer

I cought the twinkle in your eye.I blush everytime you smile. I always feel in love when i am around you. Though i only get to see you a couple of hours a day but i still fall in love with you. I think about you every second and cry when i dont see you for a long time. I wish i had the guts to tell you how i fell but im afraid you might reject me. But maybe one day i eventually will have the guts to tell you but right now im just your admirer.

Posted at 03:10 pm by lonesm
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Monday, March 07, 2005
A random question thing i took from Gianelle

(1) Your gender: Male
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: Straight
(3) Single?: Nope
(4) Want to be?: In the Army
(5) Your birth day: November 25
(6) Age you act: mature i guess
(7) Age you wish you were: 16 also so i could drive
(8) Your height: 5"6
(9) The color of your eyes: Green
(10) Happy with it?: Yup
(11) The color of your hair: Black
(12) Happy with it?: ya actually
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: Ambidextrous
(14) Your living arrangement?: With my parents 15 is a little to young to get a house 
(27) Your family: My mom,dad,nana
(29) What's your job:
(30) Piercings?: none
(31) Tattoos?: nope someday i will
(32) Obsessions?: ya This girl named Amy
(35) Do you speak another language?: French but i suck at it 
(36) Have a favorite quote?: no
(37) Do you have a webpage?: nope

DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it

(38) Do you live in the moment?: sometimes
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: Yeah
(40) Do you have any secrets?: actually not really
(41) Do you hate yourself?: sometimes
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: no
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: I crack my knuckles and bite my nails
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?:Im a good writer 
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: Obsession
(46) What's your biggest fear?: Amy saying no when i ask her out finally after like 4 1/2 years
(47) Can you sing: no
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: Nope
(49) Are you a loner?: i guess sometimes but i guess thats my fault
(50) What kinda friends do you have?: all kinds from preps to punk to skateboarding
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: no idea
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: I hate being shy
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: Depends how my day has been
(55) Have you gotten an A ?: Yeah not as much as Gianelle though
(56) What is your greatest strength and weaknes. my strength is to talk to people and help them with there problems and my weakness is walking away from things
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself?: To stop being so shy and get tons more friends
(58) There are three wells - love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: love
(59) How do you vent?: Writing song and poems
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: yup
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in your life-inbarassing myself in from of gianelle
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: nope
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? dont get girls presents if your not going out with them
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: arms
(65) And least?: face
(66) Do you think you are good looking? nope
(67) Are you confident? depends on the day
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like? Aragorn from lord of the rings
(69) Do people know how you feel? no not alot so people can actually guess right
(70) Are you perceived wrongly?:yup

DO YOU...

(71) Smoke?: No
(72) Do drugs?: No
(73) Read the newspaper?: sometimes
(74) Pray?: no
(75) Go to church?: no
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: No i got to know them
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: Nope
(78) Take walks in the rain?: ya
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them?: i only hate one person and david know who
(80) Drive?: no idea but im 15 1/2 so soon
(81) Like to drive fast?: sure

HAVE YOU EVER...

(82) Liked your voice?: Yeah
(83) Hurt yourself?: no
(84) Been out of the country?:Just to Canada. and i plan on going again
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: I donít know
(86) Burped? Yeah
(87) Been unfaithful?: No
(88) Been in love?: yup I have
(89) Done drugs?: Nope, none for me
(90) Gone skinny dipping?: maybe
(92) Had a surgery?not recently
(93) Ran away from home?: Nope
(94) Played strip poker: ya
(95) Gotten beaten up?: who me nope
(97) Been picked on?: who hasent so ya
(98) Been on stage?: nope
(99) Have u been so drunk you dunno what your doing? ya just to get off the phone
(101) Thought about suicide?: no
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?:  yes
(103) If yes, what is your record?: 1 night and up to 8 in the morning the next
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: Nope
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: ya
(107) Slept all day?: nope
(108) Killed someone?: if i did would i be here typing this i dont think so
(109) Made out with a stranger?: No
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: No
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: NO
(112) Kissed the same sex?: HELL NO
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: HELL NO
(114) Been betrayed?: Hell YES
(115) Had a dream that came true?: a couple actually
(116) Broken the law?: Just J-Walking
(117) Met a famous person?: i guess
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: Nope i love animals
(146) Stolen anything?: yes
(147) Been on radio/TV?: no
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: ya thats the best part of the concert
(149) Had a nervous breakdown?: No
(150) Considered religious vocation?: no
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: No
(152) Bungee jumped?: I am afraid of hights
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: ya it helped my relationship at the time though

CLOTHES and other fashion

(154) Shoe brand?: sketchers
(155) Brand of clothing?: anything
(156) Cologne/perfume?: ralph lauren and polo that stuff is expensive
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: jeans t-shirt
(159) Wear hats?: hell no
(161) Wear make-up?: no
(162) Favorite place to shop?: anyware
(163) Favorite article of clothing?:no clue
(164) Are you trendy?: no
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?:  doesnít matter to me

BELIEFS

(166) Believe in life on other planets?: no
(167) Miracles?: Yes
(168) Astrology?: yes
(169) Magic?: Nope
(170) God?: nope
(171) Satan?: nope
(172) Santa?: Nope
(173) Ghosts?: ya
(174) Luck?: Yeah
(175) Love at first sight?ya
(176) Yin and Yang?:no idea
(177) Witches?: Wiccans?: no idea
(178) Easter bunny?: Nope
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: If you love the person
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: No,
(181) Do you wish on stars?: Yeah

LOVE, and all that

(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: No
(183) Do you remember your first love?: ya
(184) Still love him/her?: ya
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: One Night stands are
(186) What do you find romantic?: no idea
(187) Turn-on?: eyes smart and able to sort out problems
(188) Turn-off?: being mean smelly
(189) Do you base your judgment on looks alone: No
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: I would be happy
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"--- now them
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?:sometimes
(203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?:no
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: no
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: eyes
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: judging and mean
(207) What's the last present someone gave you?to merdeith
(208) Are you in love?: yes
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: ya
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk?: check them out

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...

(211) That haunted you?: no idea
(212) You wanted to kill?: not telling
(213) That you laughed at?:bianca
(214) That laughed at you?: kim
(215) That turned you on?: Hmmm You will have to ask me sometime about that
(216) You went shopping with?: Krysta
(217) That broke your heart?: no idea
(218) To disappoint you?: dont know
(219) To ask you out?: i ask girls out
(220) To make you cry?: amy
(221) To brighten up your day?: merdeith
(222) That you thought about?: amy
(223) You saw a movie with?: michelle
(224) You talked to on the phone?: chris
(225) You talked to through IM?: david
(226) You saw?: my mother
(227) You lost?: My dog
(229) You thought was completely insane?: Myself sometimes
(230) You wanted to be?: a popular guy
(231) You told off?: hmmm im not that mean
(232) You trusted?: hmmm no idea
(233) You turned down?


WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU

(234) Smiled?: talking to amy
(235) Laughed?:talking on the phone
(236) Cried?: wow when we had to put my dog asleep
(237) Bought something?: everyday
(238) Danced?: never
(239) Were sarcastic?:Last week
(240) Hugged someone?: saturday
(241) Talked to an ex?: long long time ago
(242) Watched your favorite movie?:month
(243) Had a nightmare?: about amy 2 days ago and lastnight
(245) Talked on the phone?: yesterday
(246) Listened to the radio?: last night
(247) Watched TV?: A while ago
(248) Went out?: 2 days ago
(249) Helped someone?: Today
(250) Were mean?: not really mean
(251) Sang?: year ago
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: A couple weeks ago
(253) Said "I love you"?:um yesterday
(254) Missed someone?: ya Amy who else
(255) Fought with a family member?: no
(256) Fought with a friend?: no
(257) Had a serious conversation?: yes with my buddy merdeith
(258) Got drunk?: Never have

Posted at 04:43 pm by lonesm
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Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Finding a place

Most people find peace when looking up at the night sky,
However I find peace looking deep into your eyes.
Some may find peace when strolling through the park,
Yet, I find peace laying with you in the dark.
Many may find peace sleeping at night,
But I find peace when you hold me tight.
There are even those who find peace alone in solitude,
Although appealing, I find peace just being with you.
I find peace looking up at the night sky
because the stars remind me of the twinkle in your eye.
I find peace when strolling through the hood
because I think about your love thats treated me good.
I find peace when I sleep at night
because I dream about you being Mrs.right
I find peace being alone in my room
because I know that you'll be there pretty soon.
I find peace
I find peace when I'm with you.
I find peace when thinking about you.
I find peace just because of you.


Posted at 06:28 pm by lonesm
Comments (1)  

when evening calls

When evening calls,
I call to the evening~~~
,
~~~in the heart.

My heart is soft and warm,
ready for the touch of love.
I own the arms of time
reaching into the horizons
for the heart that matches mine.

I hear the whisper, the hum
of angel's wings stirring
the sweet, summer-set
of yesterdays, of tomorrows.
There is a white-misted fog
of shining love that follows me.
I hear it calling:
~~~in the evening
And so, I wait with hope
with a fullness
~~~of faith

Until the evening calls,
~~~and my heart calls back

Posted at 06:25 pm by lonesm
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Monday, November 17, 2003
A Differant me

You tell me you donít like meYou tell me to change myself
Into something you approve of
Why canít I just be me?
A me I enjoy living
Apart of me wants to change
Just so youíll stop bugg
The way I am right now.
ing me
But what will I gain
From losing all my self-esteem
Why canít you just accept me
For who I am and
What I want to be
I never judged you
For all those things youíve done to me!
I sit here listening to all those things youíve said
Running through my head
Why must you always hurt me
When all I want is to please you
What is it thatís so wrong with me?
Why is it that youíre the only one
The only one who seeís it as wrong?
Why not just accept me
For who I am
What I am
What will become of me
Your love was always so Important to me
But now thatís all changed
I donít care what you think of me, anymore
All I want to do is live my life
Like I want to
And guess what, mother?
Thatís exactly what Iím going to do!
No more dressing up and putting on those airs
Iím going to wear those clothes
The ones with all those holes and tears.
No, I donít care what you think anymore
Iím living my life the way I want
To be the me Iíve always been inside
Now youíll see the anguish you have caused
All the suffering
Everything hurting that you gave me


Posted at 04:15 pm by lonesm
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Sunday, November 16, 2003
locked inside forever

Staring at a reflection that no one really knows
The gates arn't locked and the doors are never closed
But lately the inside is being less exposed
And it's forced to a life of never being chose
They turn their backs and walk away
And on their way out you can always hear them say
Pack up your bags and move on out
There's nothing here to see yeah there's no doubt
To keep movin' on would be a waste of time
To go any further you would have to be out of your mind
The candlelight is sure to fade
And all that's left are the lies that were made
I always thought you were the one
But you were always the first to run
You turned your back and walked away
And on your way out I could almost hear you say
Pack up your bags and move on out
There's nothing here to see yeah there's no doubt
To keep movin' on would be a waste of time
To go any further you would have to be out of your mind


Posted at 05:29 pm by lonesm
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Sunday, September 14, 2003
Here is another poem i think its the 9th one

you started a fire
inside me,
i couldnít catch
my breath!
i was so anxious,
even thrilled
at the sight
of flames!
it felt so good
to be warm, again.
i was suspended
in mid-air when
cold blooded truth
lashed into me.
i was shattering toward
calloused ground,
watching you,
licking your lips,
diminishing
but standing firm
on the edge
of sanctified pain.
it was only
romanticide.
all units responded.
and the scene
of the crime---
secured.

Posted at 02:23 pm by lonesm
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Monday, August 04, 2003
Poem by me 8

Here you go Gianelle i put this in here just for ya

Knife in one hand, Life in the other
Which lonely road of faith do you choose my brother?
With one comes joy and the other sorrow
Which one will your family feel tomorrow?
Life aint always easy and that sucks
But to stick it out and try, that takes guts
Tomorrow might not be a better day
But maybe then you'll get a chance to say
I love you to all those your gonna miss
And get one last chance to give that kiss
To your love and maybe a hug
To let you know she's still there
A reminder of how much she cares
Maybe then the next time your faced with that scene
You can take a step back and see what it means
To be a major part of somebody's life
And maybe, just maybe, then you'll put down that knife


Posted at 06:33 pm by lonesm
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